Archive

2024

I said launchtime not lunchtime! ASK AGAIN NEVER. gotta stay bleh Duck can have a little dungeon, as a treat. I run but I'm not very fast. I am also green. I am Turtle. 5. ENJOY LASAGNA WITH YOUR HUMAN HANDS I JUST REALLY DIG PORRIDGE OK What's for din-dins? MORE CRIME. 🧪 AHEM. O_O WASTED noooo my hot choccy TOMORROW: HORSE'S HEAVENLY HAIR - REAL OR EXTENSIONS?? I don't like how that pigeon is staring at me C'MON! I'LL SHARE MY FISH WITH YOU! Available at a slimy bookstore near you!

2023

GOODBYE. IT'S JAWS! JAWS!! 💡 Floss Another Day go on, treat yourself ... OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES AH! JAMES POND, MY FAVOURITE! I SCAN THEM FOR THE ARTICLES. also your licence has expired Not you, Horse! Get outta here! IS THIS OAT MILK?? I WILL REMEMBER YOU FONDLY ♥ what are you doing, you're not a catstronaut ☀️ NOW SMUNCHY!! Dr Li Chen, Professor of Horseology Jesus, Lover of Chips, Patter of Cats, Wearer of Pointy Rounds. COME ON, JUST ONE BYTE! mmm this apple pie tastes like CRIME. And cinnamon. And a touch of nutmeg. I also also wish I could read does it have wifi tho oh wait, I think it means you'll have three money

2022

Oh and some socks too, thx 🌧 duck, duck, VA-MOOSE >:( pfft everyone knows macaroni is king cheese but displeased this is all Beary suspicious help I'm stuck in this glass prison Duck can have a little fire, as a treat egg optional but obviously, like, less handsome sure Dog you can have my credit card 🐈 DAMNIT BUNS, DON'T FORGET YOUR COOL GLASSES EVERYBODY DO THE ROBOT so like... $500?? Horse you majestic idiot how bout strawbby milk COMING THIS SUMMER... BFF - Bitter Forest Friend >:( what about this *holds up grumpy turtle* kitty cola, for that smooth refreshing taste 700 BOOF FRIENDS FOREVER BUSY BOYS 4 THE MOMENT tabbity tab, Horse go blab I'll get this to go pls FROG WHY what a banger tho but who brushes Shoelace?? ugh can't we just watch a movie oh drink some water too

2021

❄️ "ahem, I have a patreon too hoot hoot" not valid with any other offer :( well I'm completely satisfied with that explanation whoa Horse there's at least five swears on this page then what are the carrots for? gasp, just as the crab prophecy foretold throw in some crackers too eh WHAT TYPE OF CAT IS THIS uh oh gtg 🤖 Je neigh sais quoi and also chippies AH WHAT A GREAT DAY. INITIATE LOW POWER MODE. hey, I don't make the rules on Smoosh Tax quick, do a sacrifice bring pizza next time don't forget k but NEVER where they third-least suspect. Mirror Mirror on the wall, thx some say robot is still sike-ing to this very day ♥ and don't even get me started on this sugar packet also also, you still owe me $100 YOU ARE SLIGHTLY LESS SLIME BASED THOUGH. Mr Teddy said bring the bikkies too pls ♫ crabby birthday to yooou ♫ these seeds could've been tiny knives!! how did he guess my top secret password abject-abjure-ablative?? but also, beautiful uh oh angry also comes from there 660 officer she mugged me mug NO? WHAT ABOUT MOST RECTANGULAR ACQUAINTANCE ♫ chippy horse, chippy horse, driving down for chips of course ♫ welcome to Cat Town! Duck a l'Outrage pffft who even remembers seven look at that juicy bod first frog on Mars instead, take that dumb birds 100% natural non-scary ingredients gonna get this framed all nice 650 FAREWELL. what BAD KOIs eh eh?? papa can I have a PS5 everything's coming up Hilmouse! magic worm get outta here you're too cool also what is the pizza

2020

WASSUUUUP EH? BAD BOYS 4 LIFE DAMNIT Bird don't let me down 640 if you're not good at anything that's ok you tried bird I'm gonna yeet you into space respectfully, what a handsome cover CAT BRING PASSPORT AND CASH. DAMNIT BUNS YOU HAD ONE JOB carrot no just dabble it I'm not a real horse. I'm just bees. THEY ARE VERY AFFORDABLE THESE DAYS 630 hey don't be scared it's me Li you're too late it's sold out I CAN MAKE YOU ONE I'm a tiny cat, I live in tiny hedge, I fool your dummy eyes, I stand on all your veg PIZZA FOR GOOD BOYES ONLY whoops I mean woof I'm a dog still off to jail tho tell all your friends eh close enough 620 I love $20 I TOLD YOU TO BRING LIP BALM STOP HIM, HE'S STEALING KNOWLEDGE! one ticket to space please but like, a REALLY good salad ALSO, TOO MANY nice kitty eat this grass now I'm gonna buy more balls with my half but hey, enough about me mmm added flavour 610 IT'S FUCKING PAW!! et tu, brontosaurus? hey smol, you're on lookout got any dip eh? ♫ fly him to the moooooon ♫ CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A PAYMENT PLAN and don't count the sheep, it freaks them out BUNS YOU DON'T NEED ANY MORE ESPRESSO ACCEPT MY FRIEND REQUEST 600 NOW WHERE IS MY OFFICE hey you also ate my sandwich give it back MOTHER I'M FAMISHED. hey gimme that bread get ya own biscuits >:(

2019

FAT MAN DO YOU WANT THIS SHARK woof woof woof woof so long and thanks for all the muns HAHA YOU GUYS GO AHEAD I'LL CATCH UP LATER 590 this mushroom said mean things about my mum oh chips, I nev knew ya :( round found ground bird feed the buns, tuppence a bag one day, my love Pegasus can you gimme twenty dollars also this rock wasn't here before pls rate five stars whittle me the songs of your people 580 you probably don't even poop outside anymore I've made a terrible mistake. TINY DANG but seriously though, you should update your google opening hours THE PARK IS NOT OPEN then eat some grass, like this ground sandwiches are good too, I'm not picky welcome to Crow Facts gimme that cat too toasty ^_^ I don't even know my size back in you go this lake does not look right saw a great pigeon once boot ya glute back to the studio they don't have the technology to make great footwear yet this will go great with my decor they also do not have the money for a lawyer 560 ah shit where's me horses maybe not a dining table but like a real nice coffee table nah BY DUSK I'M GETTIN' READY seven pizzas tho, that's impressive Destrier?! I hardly knew her! can I get mine with no cheese you dont wanna know what Ursula charged him for that Granma here's a twenny 550 maybe my friend Mr Twenny Dol can change your mind make a LinkedIn profile ✓ Take up jiu jitsu. also stole your pension

2018

if you want to destroy my sweater, hold this thread as I can show you the world In Soviet Russia, you choose camera. can't wait for the sequel oh wait, there I go lemme see my list again real quick BUSINESS. no spoilers please, I'm waiting for the movie ♫ look at me ♫ also how did that one get so big FIRST: GEESE. SECOND: WASPS. hunned dollar biils, hunned dollar bills, hunn'd-hunn'd-hunne-hunned dollar bills swiggity swail, I ain't goin to jail MADE YOUR BED it's fruit when fruit is gone So... do you like sports? Or what 530 coming out soon on Steam in space noone can hear you do a runner be reasonable. Cerberus come by my office first thing Monday. crime crime crime they didn't have google back then or anything Look out world! 98 OR BUST we glue too close to the sun 520 once enemies, now friends EIGHTH SOUP LET ME GO SOMEONE GET HER WALLET! THANKS FOR COMING. SHIRTS AVAILABLE. Ah-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee feasting on the footpath, turtle power Unicorns HATE her! Learn this one simple trick! I *WILL* REVERSE THOSE CHARGES Hat:1 Sad:0 510 none of that... or any of the others! butts by moonlight THAT'S THE DINOSAUR LET'S NOT LOOK AT HIM HE KNOWS WHAT HE DID [FLEEING SOUND] Wild Lis thrive on a diet of nuts and small insects any questions? Do I have an account? I got an email about it Welcome to the Blame Jam ... and a cookie!

2017

500 my name is cat / I'm on the run / don't call police / I'LL CUT YA mooOOOOOOoon we get it Dave, you're in a band Job? Not job. YOU ARE BANNED FROM WISE OWL we'll just put a happy little scythe down here. And that'll be our little secret I like DANGER. yeh it's fine, get out there #knifelife 490 He's not ready for Nibbly Pig! oh no goodbye ok goodnight mum don't alt-text alt-text alt-text Li of House Chen, the First of Her Name, The Sunburnt, Queen of the Pigeons, the Rabbits and the Round Dogs, Queen of Icecream, Deputy of the TCD, Protector of Around, Breaker of Trains and Mother of Kittens. top dumb-face, that's what that is No? Mosquitoman? what are ya, Fido of Troy? 480 the secret ingredient is secrets Ants are found on all continents except Antarctica. home is where Ground Control tells you it is bok bokbok bok bok deals like this don't slime along everyday do you know about halo that's a game that I do The hills have questions. That's MY toothbrush, I've already told you. You don't even have proper teeth! Count your eggs once, shame on you. Count your eggs twice, cut once ;) 470 back to you, Shoelace! now you've fuckin' done it Saul. Saul, this means something OK, NOW BRING HER BACK you can also never have too many mechanical keyboards *Limit one per customer (╯°□°）╯⬤-* omg omg #kingofit fuwafuwa taimu 460 Eggy hears ya, Eggy don't care YES YES YES YES YES YES YES what kind of monster tags a snail? 456 how would you rate your arrest experience? it doesn't smell cursed... Thanks, Treedad! *produces fork* alright, what are we having?

2016

Santa Claus, also known as Saint Nicholas, Saint Nick, Kris Kringle, Father Christmas, Shoelace, or simply Santa (Santy in Hiberno-English), is a surprisingly diminutive figure of Western culture who is said to bring gifts and scratches to the homes of well-behaved ("good" or "nice") Lis on Christmas Eve (24 December) and the early morning hours of Christmas Day (25 December) 450 but I'll keep ya not beached, just visiting crimes of this size are out of my jurisdiction cPhone do you want another one? yeah you do do you have one? can I borrow it? top marks, you you admire, you acquire Picnic Diamonds are Expensive - The World is Plenty, Thanks - You Only Live Nine Times - The Man with the Golden Buns - Quantum of Shoelace 440 science you've failed me again I'll drop her off at the bus stop and add it to your tab thank you for coming my body's sayin' let's go, but my heart is sayin' bzzzzzzz muri muri muri muri muri muri muri DELIVERED IN UNDER 30 YEARS OR YOUR MONEY BACK! <`)))>< flaunt your butt-plumage elsewhere, sir 9/10 doctors recommend 430 sad n' saucy Hubble Space Telescope: After Hours I can explain tiny memes 2cool Rain: Click to begin I'm a butt and what is this Coat of Ambivalence +1 is this how? maximum dine, minimum fine. 420 sugoi NEIN take that, world next, let the onions off the hook this side's all partied out close enough yeah, get that spoon outta here ya tart bastard it's gettin' serious 410 good as new I guess there's nothing real wrong with in front of the scenes objects in the future are closer than they appear yeah, you

2015

Happy Holidays! I mean, you know? ... oven hawt go on, get your butt over there 400 prampkin? ... you've gotta ask yourself one question: A flock of dicks great that cat butt prosthetics have come so far though Jordan says this comic could be about javascript but it's not it's about hammers team. I mean, what you gonna say? also, wasps DON"T STOP ME NOW 390 is it alright if I have the tv on ring, ring... is this police a little bit space, a little bit time DO YOU HAVE A DISEASE As you can see, we have several options Onlookers displeased, impressed oh just bird stuff? That's cool I guess maximum do; minimum mass Fancy Night Inn 380 boop boop boop boop boop...ring-ring ring-ring...beep beep beep :( creemeenal Yes. DO ANIMALS LIKE ME? Unless the song is Monster Mash. Wah-ooooh. GREAT STICK pls Lucky for you I'm a detective Now please follow me to the Mechanical Keyboard Gallery. Bring chips. how about it 370 are you a dragon jeeg grumbly leavings I'm not a sea wizard 365 364 top top moddle snip snap snop no I don't believe it 360 rustle rustle rustle

2014

lion I can't resist just pick 'em and eat 'em, no need to check 356 355 I'm not that kind of wizard. 353 352 Thanks, Rob. 350 349 348 347 346 345 I'll be in the box I just have to know 342 341 340 339 FASCINATING. 337 336 335 Laze Team no more words why do chickens have those things Too Large; Didn't Retrieve 330 Hello, this is Tech Support, you have a potassium deficiency. Get out. BABE NO. NO BABE WAIT. PLS BABE NO. Oh yah? Yaaah. maybe I am a chip shop, let me check Get outta here, memories! Kickstarter ALL MAH LOIFE No, no, listen to me - less beauty, more pigeons! We better get outta here before it rains Fool me once, totally worth it, got a sweet present 320 Signs of non-integer spin only available to Level Ten traffic officers also, give back my pajamas Ugh, typical grumblechicken why doesn't that guy just get a life already I mean come on Thank you, Jeeves. That will be all. MAXIMUM GIVING GOD DAMN FRUIT CUPS MY ONLY VICE World's most acclaimed catbutt player Just sugar with your fingers, I guess You gotta try it at least once, I'm telling you

2013

310 I have a sword and I know things. THIS IS A TECHNIQUE THAT I HAVE PERFECTED OVER SEVERAL YEARS THIS IS THE SPOT Gavel man, banging out his gav up here alone EXCUSE ME, I BELIEVE I SAID SOME DAY, BIG DEAL so incredible, much edible I SAID DON'T BE LIKE THIS, GODDAMN DON'T BE LIKE THIS If you can read this, you're doing it wrong :) Crime life. Doctor: 2, Patients: 0 Fire Crab, I CAN'T BELIEVE I TRUSTED YOU shhhhhhhhhhhhh cone Li Chen, PhD, class of 20X6 BFF GET Do a lil' hedge, make a lil' hog, get down tonight Et tu, clam Hungry Scary Tales 290 Fine, then I love Coronation Street. Can you melt that? I diagnosed this rabbit with whacked out poo-brain five minutes ago. and a free sample of Full-on Feeling! I couldn't be happier. Kaeshite. Kaeshite kudasai. Forgot Newton's Cradle, googled desk balls, was successful I'm not a real doctor, and I'm not a real worm either. Go on, find. Being the best Jordan he can be what about when cats run too fast on smooth floors and drift sideways 280 shake shake shake, shake your booty My hands are too buttery to tell secrets now One Magical Dolphin Day, please. Plus candy floss. Eggs? No, I just live here. Nobody expects the bubble-to-bubble thoughtkitten transfer tuck technique This has been a cautionary tale. Thanks for your time. Almost No Hat™ Tabe's have turned and I like it Take the wheel, Shoelace This bun cleft, bereft. Release the fruits ya broke me herpetologist's wand I've gone too far too soon ((((((((wtf-is this)))))))) Two sleeves is too many; that's melon time you're wastin' This is my bucket. There are many like it, but this one is mine. OH GOD I NEED DIS But mostly I'm just sleeping

2012

260 Wiz, Harry Today is the greatest day I've ever known. Smash pump. iasnlid WHY I EYES YA Chips. HEAPS of chips. Dem buns O B E Y Question one: If not, how come? Never. Never tells. 250 Sorry, please play again Graping is the hardest part How could one dog stup so hard ERNJ SERIOUSLY THOUGH, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH PYTHON Daily. Close enough / TROUBLEMS Dinnerin' time Visually. You ruse, you raff What's this, lunch for CATS‽ I'm not even tryin' and I'm grabbin' Good hustle, everyone! Actually I'm going to level with you. I don't have more. It's not in, or you. I'm going to be needing it back slump up on 'em THIS IS MAH JOB Creepin' erryday Don't feed a guy a sponge, Bobby! I'm not a real doctor, but I am a real worm REWIEND Bees are overrated ALL THAT TIME Gentlemen, this is also my smooching face It never gets any easier Dat thing Kickstarter Just jabbin' ya I think I'll have fruit salad tomorrow ʘ‿ʘ | (• ◡•) | (❍ᴥ❍ʋ) ☑ Face WHERE'S MY MONEY Why does it have to be this way I hate it when I have fruit flavour lollies and I think the green one is apple but it's secretly lime and then I'm a sad Don't be loungin' ShameBox™ Well, we found the problem - your box is a car. That'll be $800. Starter: A trio of skittles Main: Cereal terrine, served with a selection of crayons Dessert: Yes. Flavin'

2011

Merry Christmas! ^_^ Gone, forev I'm so mad at you I could piss glue ................ _@y Siri, what's the alt text? Part of your delicious terribly! No alt text >:( ANATA WA, CINEMA, MITEIMASU FOREVER That's a circlin' That's totally a real 3D puzzle of Saturn that we really got If you can read this, you're doing it wrong How does alt text make you feel? suddenly Sometimes I think about how big space is and it really freaks me out Cat Magic™ /╲/\ºo;88;oº/\╱\ Hold all my calls, I'm RAD. I am six and what is this oh god how did this get here I am not good with computer WING WING. HEWWO? And that's why you don't hug bears New Zealand... why not? Next week: neko koneko MERSHED PERDERDER One is the loneliest gangsta Nah. I hate Past Li almost as much as I hate Joffrey Baratheon Aaaaaaaaaaalt teeeeeeeeeext Play it cool. Here come the space cops. ☃ 180 Happles by mail™ Lemon, lemon, lemon, lemon, lemon, lemon, lemon. I'm TWO hundred percent lemon. TEA. Look how shiny his coat is Beans beans beans beans, I want you in my dreams, lets spend the night together, from now until forever. If I could make alt text small then this would be small too. Ding! Comic 171.5: Li rolled and rolled, and eventually got hungry and went home again Stop looking for alt text all the time. Jeez. 170 Ne ne ...... 169 168 Haters gonna hate Confirmed. Just get out. Secret song, I can't believe it's you I fucking LOVE juice! Preeeeeeoooooooooww 161

2010

160 159 Unrelated note: going to see the new Harry Potter movie tonight, yay! I don't even like ham Quack. Cereal again huh? In this house we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS! Sand....wich? I can pretty much punch anything into space But.... nom? Bling, I has it I saw one at the zoo. It was moustachey. Thank you, Interrupter Jones. That is also my egg. Pfft Jordan, real turtles don't eat sandwiches Stop looking at Shoelace's balls ಠ_ಠ Puffs it I was the turkey all along! All my Facebook friends grew from the same potato. True story. 142 :D I'm wearing a tie so you know I mean business. Inspired by Escher, because he is awesome Aha, sadface. O.O 137 It's serious business ಠ_ಠ I made garlic soup today. Just in case you wanted to know. They also make good helmets Beees! duck duck *deep breath* duck duck duck duck Moooooooon Available from all leading supermarkets near you C'mon, not even a papercut? I don't sound like that either. Face full of balls. He's not even a cool robot. He doesn't transform into a car or anything. Myeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh Damnit Shoelace! There's broken quavers all over the floor! So smawl Jordan, are you hiding a beard in your face? Jordan tells the best stories i'm ten times cuter than this in real life Look at you, you needy alt text addict silly rabbit... counterclockwise feels better than clockwise I see your pair and raise you a shoelace 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95 94 93 92 91 90 89

2009

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